I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
