he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
