dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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