Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
