There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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