i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
