I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
