Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
