Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's always time for handjobs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
