Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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