now i know why i became what i already was.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
