The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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