sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
