so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
