Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cannot find my penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
