Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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