yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize