What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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