she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
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