Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
