my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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