Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
