Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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