where am i from again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
