And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
