so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
