I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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