Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
