We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
