did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
