Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
