so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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