why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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