I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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