Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
