She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
