my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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