ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
