i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
