connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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