Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
