I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
