Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
