Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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