Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
