the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
