is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
