is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
