Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
