i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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