That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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