people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
