By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
