I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
