I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
