Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
