I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
