i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Floor bacon is actually really good
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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