sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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