a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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