He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
