and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
PANTIES FOUND
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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