I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
