btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
