Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
