some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
