Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize