this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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