u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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