the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You are the jesus of drinking
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
