You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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