Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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