Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize