Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
