I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize